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Title:         The Devil Behind the Desk
Author:        Julie Cantrell
Rating:        PG (for a couple objectionable words).
Category:      V / A
Spoilers:      "En Ami"
Keywords:      MSR
Summary:       Post-ep for "En Ami"  Anger, apologies,
               and misunderstandings between our
               beloved duo.
Feedback:      xfsista@hotmail.com  I'd love to hear
               your thoughts.               
Archive:       DO NOT ARCHIVE at Gossamer (I've already done
               that).  Xemplary and Spooky Awards are okay.
               All others just ask.
Disclaimers:   All of the following characters belong to
               Chris Carter, 1013 Productions, and Twentieth
               Century Fox Television.  No infringement is
               intended.

All of my stories can be found @ the FBI (aka The Federal
Bureau of Imagination) http://fbimagination.faithweb.com/
along with my growing collection of XF collages.

As always, Char Chaffin rocks my world!  Thank you for
your help and encouragement.  :)

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The Devil Behind the Desk
by Julie Cantrell

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She was so ashamed.

Two days after her return, the bitter sting of
humiliation still caused her soul to throb.

What had went wrong?  With total disregard
to common sense, she followed a man who had
threatened her life on more than one occasion.
This man was responsible for more death and
destruction than any major war could claim.
This man had robbed her of her hopes and
dreams.

And now he had stolen the trust between her
and her partner.

That was the crux of the situation, she had
decided.  Another ploy to separate the
inseparable.  A plan that apparently worked,
for she hadn't laid eyes on Fox Mulder in
the last two days.

Frustrated and guilt stricken, Scully had
taken the first step and invited Mulder to
her apartment for a talk.

She stood by the window as she waited for
him to arrive.  For the third day in a row,
the skies were overcast and a steady spring
drizzle coated the streets of Georgetown.

Even the sun was too ashamed to shine upon
her.

So many times she had berated Mulder for
doing what she did.  The word *hypocrite*
bounced through her head like a ball in
a pinball machine causing a dull pain
behind her eyes.

But his offer seemed too good to refuse.

Had Mulder felt this way all of those times
he had ditched her?  Had the prize they
offered been so tempting that he couldn't
resist?

Of course it was tempting.  They offered
what he wanted most:  his sister.  It was
so easy to offer his soul for the sake of
another.

Isn't that what she was doing?  Only instead
of exchanging herself for one soul, it would
be for millions.

Wasn't her pitiful existence worth giving
up for the sake of millions of dying people?

How could anyone turn down such a deal?
A couple days with her worst enemy seemed
like such a small price to pay for such a
worthy cause.

The price was higher than she originally
anticipated.

She had to lie.  She had to look her partner
of seven years in the eyes and tell him the
opposite of the truth.

She couldn't do it.  He would know that she
was lying.  Scully felt physically nauseous
at the thought of betraying his trust to
his face.

So, she took the easy way out and left a
message on his machine.  A family emergency,
she decided.  Urgent enough to get away, but
personal enough for him to not intrude.

Of course, leave it to Mulder to become
worried about her family and want to check
up on her.

Mulder is an intelligent man.  She knew that
he'd soon figure out the truth.  She knew
that he would be afraid for her life.  Not
knowing what else to do, she called Skinner
and asked him to reassure Mulder.

Again, her plan backfired.

Her partner was with her boss when she
called.  He wanted to talk to her.  But she
couldn't do it.  Not with the Smoker sitting
mere inches away.  Lying to a machine was
a lot easier than lying to the man.  He'd
ask questions that she couldn't answer.

So, for the second time in as many days,
she hurt Fox Mulder.

Now it was time to make amends.

The distant sound of a car door broke her
reverie.  Within seconds, her eyes landed
on the lean frame of her partner.  He quickly
jogged to the front of her apartment building.

Maybe he was eager to see her after all.

Or maybe he was just trying to get out of
the rain.

Scully's pulse began to race nervously.  She
had practiced her apology in her mind over
and over.  She could practically recite it
in her sleep.

Thump.  Thump.  Thump.

Was that his footsteps or her heart?

For a moment, time stood still.  He was at
her door, she was certain.  But it seemed
as if he were hesitating.

Disappointed, Scully began to bow her head
in defeat.

Knock.  Knock.  Knock.

Three rapid fire knocks caused her to snap
her head up nearly resulting in whiplash.
On a pair of shaky legs, she crossed her
living room in what she hoped was a casual
manner.  Her heart threatened to shatter
her ribcage with its pounding.

She had never been so nervous in her life.

With a deep breath, she pulled the door
open and met two very beautiful, but
very sad eyes.  Tiny droplets of rain
glided down his face only to land 
unceremoniously on his damp tee shirt.
The drops on the shoulders of his
leather jacket hung on stubbornly.

Could she hang on or would she slide
into nothingness?

Scully wordlessly stepped aside as a silent
invitation to enter her private domain.
In equal silence, he crossed her threshold
and waited for her next move.

She shut the door behind him and moved
toward her couch.  No gestures or
sounds were made, but Mulder knew that
she wanted him to follow her.

So he did.

Finally, they were sitting side by side,
but with a considerable distance between
them.

"Mulder," she began with a raspy voice.
Her mouth felt dry and words deserted
her.  She cleared her throat and tried
again.  "I know you're angry..."

"Angry?"  His tone was incredulous.
"Angry doesn't begin to describe what
I'm feeling, Scully.  Livid, maybe, but
down right pissed off is most accurate
to what I feel."

Suddenly, she became fascinated with her
shoes.  She knew he would be upset, but
nothing could have prepared her for this
untamed fury.

She licked her parched lips and tried
to speak.  "I'm sorry," she said in a
strained whisper.  She had meant to say
it with conviction, but it was no stronger
than a frog's croak.  Her own voice wanted
to betray her and it was frustrating to
no end.  Moments ago, she couldn't wait
for Mulder to arrive so she could apologize.
Now she wanted nothing more than for him
to leave so she could find solace in her
tears.

"Scully?"

There was something in his tone that was
so compassionate and unexpected, she had
no choice but to look at him.  His face,
his strong, beautiful face radiated such
love and understanding, it nearly took
her breath away.

He spoke again.  "I'm not angry at you."

That did take her breath away.  She
felt herself inhale sharply at the
unexpected turn in the conversation.  She
should have known.  If she had learned
anything in the last seven years, it was
that one should always expect the
unexpected with Fox Mulder.

"What?" she finally managed to choke out.

He furrowed his eyebrows in confusion.
"Have you been sitting her for the last
two days thinking that I was angry with
you?"

"Mulder, I *lied* to you.  Of course,
I thought you were angry."  Her wide
eyes stared at him questionably.  "Why
else would you spend the last two days
avoiding me?"

"Avoiding you?"  Now it was Mulder's
turn to question.  "Scully, I was trying
to give you a little space."  He shook
his head as if it would help him
straighten out his thoughts.  "I know
that you lied to me and, to be honest,
I don't like it one bit.  It would have
hurt less if you had slapped my face,
but I'm not angry at you for what you
did..."

Every word of Scully's speech was
forever lost.  Once again, Mulder had
taken her simple plan and turned it
upside down.  She was prepared for his
anger, but not for *this*.

Whatever *this* was.

"Why not?"  It was all she could
think to ask.

"Because I know why you did it.  I've
been there many times, Scully.  He
played you like a violin.  That's
what pisses me off.  He took everything
that's good and pure about you and
used it against you."  He reached
over and took her face in his hands.
"You are a wonderful person, Scully.
Don't you doubt that for a second.
That bastard took advantage of your
goodness.  He used you against
yourself.  Don't let him taint you
by creating doubt about my feelings
for you.  Don't doubt yourself."

Scully's vision became blurry with
unshed tears.  A painful knot arose
in the back of her throat waiting
to erupt a sob.

"Thank you," she whispered as he
pulled her close and allowed her
to silently cry on his shoulder.

After several moments, her ragged
breathing became even again.
Shifting a couple of times, they
ended up spooned together on her
couch.  Mulder cradled her small
body to his chest and enveloped
her in his arms.

"I wanted to believe so badly,"
she admitted with a long, painful
sigh.

"I know you did, Scully."

Curled together in companionable
silence, they fell asleep.

Their afternoon nap turned into
a long evening of comfort.  They
stayed intertwined together on
Scully's couch enjoying the fact
that they were alive and together.
The only movements were the
occasional caress of Mulder's
hands along his partner's arms.
Sometimes, it was the whisper of
Scully's fingertips along Mulder's
brow.

No words were spoken.

As the witching hour approached,
Mulder finally broke the silence.

"Scully?" his breath skitted
along her ear causing an
involuntary shudder of delight.

"Hmmm?" she hummed sleepily,
refusing to open her eyes.

"All the times I've run off and
left you behind, did it..." he
trailed off and cleared his
throat.  "Did it hurt like this
every time?"

She raised her eyelids and turned
in her partners arms so she could
see his face.  The only illumination
was from the street lights outside,
shielding her apartment in shadows.
She could barely make out her
partner's eyes, but it was enough
for her to see the fear behind
them.

Her unexpected trip had terrified
him.

Taking a deep breath, she answered
him honestly.

"Yes," her sleepy voice was laced
with pain.  "I know that you only
wanted to protect me.  But when
I'm not with you, I can only wonder
who is going to keep you safe.
This protection thing works both
ways, Mulder."

His breathing pattern changed
slightly and she detected a faint
hitch as he inhaled.

"If I had known that it felt like
this, I would have never left you
behind."

Her hands fluttered to his face.
She was surprised to find her
fingers wet with tears.  Her
own eyes became watery and her
sinuses burned.

"It's hard, isn't Mulder?"

"What's hard?"

"Not knowing in what form the
devil will show up next," she
paused to sniffle.  "I guess
I was expecting a serpent, but
his eyes seemed so sincere."

"The devil is a master of
disguise, Scully.  Sometimes
he's a snake and sometimes he
sits behind a mahogany desk,"
his voice had grown even
softer as he fell back into
the role of comforter.  He
squeezed her gently and
grazed his lips over her
forehead.

"But what he offered was more
tempting than any forbidden
fruit," she sighed as a tear
slipped out of the corner of
her eye.  She wiped it away
with her hand as it tickled
her ear.

"Sure it was.  But unlike
Eve, you were acting
unselfishly.  He offered
you something that promised
to help the entire human
race.  He offered you proof,"
his words were strong and
heartwarming.  "Besides,"
he joked, "at least he
didn't get to see you in
the nude."

As soon as it fell of his
tongue, he knew he had
said something wrong.  In
a split second, Scully went
from a soft warmth in his
arms to a stiff weight.  He
could feel her physically
and emotionally withdrawing
from him.  As soon as she
changed, she relaxed once
more.  No one would have
noticed the change in her.

Except for him.

He bolted upright, nearly
knocking her off of the sofa.
He caught her by the arms
and pulled her into a sitting
position.  She blinked dizzily
at the sudden change in
equilibrium.

Before she could adjust, Mulder
flipped on the lamp sitting on
the end table.  She flinched
at the burst of light and
squinted until her eyes could
get used to it.

"Mulder, what the hell are you
doing?"

His eyes became wild with dread
and anger.

"Did he touch you?" he practically
growled.

"What?"  The familiar cadence of
her racing pulse returned as she
began to realize what he was implying.

"You heard me.  Did that son of a
bitch put his hands on you?"  He
enunciated each word as if he were
talking to a child.

No.  No.  No.

Things had been going so well.  They
were communicating for a change.  She
had felt closer to Mulder than she
ever had.

But this particular incident was one
she'd rather not think about.

*Please, Mulder,* she begged with her
eyes, *please don't bring it up.*

Her partner saw the pleading, but he
wasn't having any of it.

"Answer me, Scully!" he demanded.

"Nothing happened, Mulder."

"Then why in the hell did you just
tense up as stiff as a two by four
when I mentioned him seeing you
naked?"

She couldn't face him anymore, so
she dropped her head into her hands.

As gently as he could, he pulled her
hands away from her face and tilted
her chin up so he could look into
her eyes.

She nearly gasped as the depth of
his gaze.  If he had been frightened
before, he was horrified at the idea
brewing in his head now.

"Scully, did he... assault you?"  He
was quiet with grief at the prospect
of such a violation.

"No, Mulder, it was nothing like that.
It seems stupid now."

"Nothing that makes you this uncomfortable
is stupid," he encouraged with a silent
plea to tell him what happened.

"I fell asleep," she began.  "When I
awoke the next morning, I was in my
pajamas.  I couldn't remember getting
from the car to the bed.  He said I
was exhausted, but God, I haven't slept
that soundly since I was a child."

"Do you think he drugged you?"

"I don't know.  That's what I accused
him of doing, but I don't see how he
could have."  She looked at her lap
and said quietly, "It just made me feel
dirty."

Without another word, he pulled her
into his embrace.  He buried his
nose into her hair and was relieved
to find the clean scent he had become
accustomed to over the years.  No
remnants of stale cigarette smoke
lingered.  His fear of her rape had
been alleviated by her assurances.
However, his wrath at C.G.B. Spender's
boldness with his partner hadn't
wavered an inch.

The only thing that kept him from
getting up and hunting the bastard
down was the woman in his arms.

"Okay, partner," he stood up and
pulled her with him.  "Time for
bed."

Her next move was one that he had
never expected in a million years.
She looked him dead in the eyes
and said, "Stay with me."

It was his turn to tense up with
this unexpected prospect.

"Are y-you sure?" he stuttered.

She chuckled at his sudden case
of the jitters and nodded.

"Whoa," the aired whooshed out
of his lungs.

"Don't get too excited, Mulder.
I'm too tired for anything more
than a little cuddling," she
smiled regrettably.

"Cuddling?  I can do cuddling.
I'm very good at cuddling, actually,"
he was rambling and he knew it.

Two slim fingers covered his lips.
"Hush, Mulder.  Let's go to bed."

They walked hand in hand to her bedroom.
That night, between soft kisses and
murmured declarations of love, Scully
admitted to Mulder and herself that
she was no longer afraid to love him.

The next morning, the sun was shining
bright.


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The End.

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Author's notes:  It seemed like so many of the
post-ep stories for "En Ami" was focusing on
Mulder's anger toward Scully.  Personally, I
felt that Mulder's anger was more focused on
the situation than his partner.  He's been
jerked around on more than one occassion and
I feel that he would be irritated to see his
partner's beliefs abused in the same way.  So,
the best way to express my opinion was to
write a little post-ep myself.  There are so
many talented fanfic writers out there that
write intensely powerful stories.  I feel that
I've yet to reach that point of potential.
However, I'm very proud of this piece and
I hope everyone enjoys it.  If anything, I
hope it gives you another possibility to the
angle taken in "En Ami."  

As always, I really dig feedback!  Just drop
me a line at xfsista@hotmail.com and tell me
what you think. :)


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