TITLE: Just Now SPOILERS: The Pilot all the way through to Trust No1 including Fight The Future. CLASSIFICATION: V / R / MSR RATING: G DISCLAIMER: These characters do not belong to any of us. Although, I know most of us fanfic writers would do a better job! **GRIN** I do not make money off of this. I have no money so please do not even bother to sue me. It's all for my fun and pleasure anyway. ARCHIVING: Anywhere....Please! I "live" to have my stories archived! **GRIN** Just let me know where so I can check out your cool site! KEYWORDS: MSR. Baby William. Scully POV. SUMMARY: Scully's thoughts on her time spent with Mulder on the X-Files. Sequel to Just Yet. AUTHORS NOTES: You might want to read Just Yet from Mulder's POV before reading this, but you don't have to for it to make sense. Please e-mail me at xfmns4ever@aol.com and tell me what you think! I thrive on feedback! **GRIN** ************************************************************ In the distance, she noticed a silhouette, lit only by the small firelight. She held William gently in her arms as she walked down the beach. She paused to see him sitting on a blanket and breathing in the misty salty air watching the waves as they crashed against the shoreline. She noticed he was deep in thought and wondered what thoughts could be filling his mind. As she stood in front of him, she whispered, "Mulder, we are here now. You can rest. We are together again and we love you." He replied in turn, "I love you both very much." She went down to her knees and laid William in his arms. She tugged at his free hand and held it tightly to her face. That day he left her apartment, she thought her world had ended and in a way it had. Their work on the X-Files had come with grave consequences. Consequences, which at the that time, had not been considered for their future. During the beginning of her partnership with him, he had told her his only goal had been to find his sister. He had told her nothing else mattered to him. He had changed his image and persona of himself. She knew he was still the same man he had always been, tormented by his life's problems, but she hoped he realized she had been there every step of the way because she loved him, but she couldn't tell him, just now. They had both been abducted, only to be returned, and for what purpose she didn't know. The day she did the autopsy on Gary in Oregon, she had never known such fear, always wondering if this was the way they would find him. She cried that day, in front of Skinner and John. Truly, for the first time in her independent life, her defenses were down. She didn't know if she could handle finding Mulder this way. The night they did find him, cold and alone, she couldn't believe he was truly gone. She had gone in search of Jeremiah Smith, only to find he had bee taken. She wanted to tell him she loved him, but because he had been taken from her, she couldn't just now. She remembered back to a specific case where Mulder had almost shot her. Pusher had done a number on him, of that she was certain. Everyone thought they had Pusher at that golf course, but he had gotten away with murder again. A few days later she had been deathly frightened when Mulder told her that they needed to give Pusher what he wanted. She didn't understand that he didn't want her to get hurt in the process, but it had almost happened anyway. She had begged him to walk away from it, but Pusher was too mentally strong for him. He had urged her to run, thinking only of her as he had always done. When she pulled the alarm, she had saved them both from an uncertain future without one another. He told her he had been grateful to her that day. She wanted to tell him that she loved him, but it wasn't the right time, just now. It was about a year later when she found out she had cancer. She knew she had to be strong for him and that he couldn't function if she was gone. Her mother and sister had told her he had been beside himself with grief while she had been abducted. She was grateful that he searched for answers, while she stayed in the hospital to receive treatments. She didn't know it at the time, but he would find something during that search for answers that would give her the gift of a dream she once thought long gone. He had wrapped her in his embrace telling her that the truth would save them both, only she knew the truth was love, but she couldn't tell him that, just now. She recalled the conference they were going to attend before the case had "intervened" in those Florida woods where she had told him he might get lucky if it ever rained sleeping bags. She took note that he had had been speechless. She knew his innuendos had always just been for play, or at least she thought so, but she finally had decided to bite. She didn't think he took her seriously. Their communication skills and teamwork had shined through during that case. She had stayed awake to make sure he was safe while he slept, even singing to him. She had spoke of her cancer and he had listened letting her talk about it. She knew that he was trying to be there for her. She couldn't tell him how much she had appreciated and loved him for that, just now. In an attempt to bring to light the truth, for which they both searched tirelessly for, the X-Files had suffered and was closed down. They had lost everything; their office, their files and almost each other. They had been reassigned to do other work at the FBI. She could see he hadn't been happy, but there was nothing they could do. She had helped him to place the burnt pieces of files together to save what was left of his life. She had been down in the office with him after it had burned, clinging to him, as if clinging to a life preserver. Then, he received another lead about the Dallas bombing. Against her better judgment, she went with him as she always did. They had found those bees, only to wonder what and who could be doing something with them. She had gotten into trouble for helping him and had been reassigned to Salt Lake City, Utah. She had been so moved by his speech as he poured out his heart saying she had been the only one that had saved him time and again. They had almost kissed, and she wanted him to, only he thought she didn't. If only it hadn't been for that darn bee. When she was taken again, she found him coming to Antarctica to save her and bring her home. She just couldn't find the words to tell him how much he meant to her, just now. She recalled that once the X-Files Division was re-established, she spent every waking minute with him down in that office. She remembered one particular sunny warm Saturday they had spent at the office looking at old 1947 newspapers from Roswell. She had come carrying in a load of old newspaper books for him. She had brought along her Non-Fat Tofruity Rice Dreamcicle. Being in a playful mood, they had exchanged banter with each other, while he even took time to grab her hand and ice cream because she wasn't sharing it with him. He had told her about how baseball could take you back in time. It had been a good day and then he had that picture of Arthur Dales staring him in the face. He had left her standing there, off in search of another possible lead. She didn't know what to think. Later that evening, she had received a call from him. He had asked if she would come to the ball park and she couldn't disappoint him. She learned that he wanted to teach her how to hit a baseball. The response he gave her sarcasm about hitting baseballs should have left her in a puddle of goo. She decided to give it a go and walked up in front of him. She instantly felt an electricity between them as he wrapped his arms around her to help her hold the bat. He had even touched her hips and when they had wriggled into their batting stance together, she had felt the desire down low in the pit of her stomach. She wanted to know if he felt it too, but she couldn't ask, just now. She remembered the time she had come into the office that day saying someone from Accounting wanted to talk to them both individually. The X-Files Division was possibly being forced out by budget cuts. In the midst of all of the accounting reviews and budgetary concerns, we had received a telephone call from Billy Miles, the known alien abductee from Bellefleur, Oregon. He was concerned that someone else in his family had been abducted several times. Of course, I was the first to jump on the lead. I was ready to go waste money. Of course, the lead didn't pan out and we came back to the office fearing the end was near. Mulder thought we might have a break in the case when A.D. Skinner informed us of a person, who could possibly have information about the missing deputy Ray Hoese. Much to my surprise, Alex Krycek and Marita Covarrubias stepped into the basement office with answers I wasn't sure I wanted to believe. After our meeting with the Lone Gunmen, A.D. Skinner, Krycek and Marita, I was ready to head back to Bellefleur, but Mulder couldn't take the chance that I would be abducted again. He made me stay behind fearing I would never be returned to him. As I sent him on with the symbol of my faith, my cross, and A.D. Skinner, little did I know, he was heading directly into danger himself. The last thing I remember was hearing the doctor tell me I was pregnant. I was afraid I would never see him again, but I had a renewed faith to find him and show him our child and to tell him I loved him, but not just now. I had went to his funeral that cold winter day in North Carolina. I was being comforted by A.D. Skinner, his arm gently around me as my body wracked with sobs over his casket being lowered in the cold hard earthen ground below me. I couldn't believe he was gone. Months passed and I got the call. Skinner and John didn't want me to see him this way, but I had to see him. As I walked into the room, I could see his chest rising and falling and I laid my hand and head gently on his chest, listening to his beating heart for the first time in months. After giving him courses of antibiotics, I held his hand while he laid in a hospital bed, in a comatose state. I started crying and said his name, as if in a question, when he opened his eyes and looked at me for the first time in months. I fell just a little when he asked me if he knew who I was. He then smiled a little to let me know, that he had been joking just to break the mood. I had asked him if he knew what he had been through and he told me "No, only what I see in your face." He mouthed something, but I couldn't quite make it out. It was heaven when I laid my head on his chest. It was as if we were the only two people in the world who existed. I privately thanked John, who had almost been embarrassed to have opened the door. He left as he seen us in this warm intimate way. I don't think he noticed because he is too happy that I am here, laying my head on his chest. I still can't tell him in any right words how much I love him, just now. After William came along, new threats emerged for them. She knew he had to leave in order to protect those he loved and himself. She wanted to die inside the day he had to leave them. She had helped him clean out his apartment and pack his bags. He was at her apartment in her shower when William began crying, only to be hushed by her singing him a lullaby. She loved to sing to their son. She knew he was going to miss and many other of William's milestones more than she could ever know, but it was the only way to keep them safe. Safe, in hopes of one day being able to return to them and to the life they once had together. She still had not been able to tell him how much she loved him and wondered if there would ever be a day that she could; however, she knew couldn't, just now. In the darkness, lit only by the small firelight, sat three silhouettes on a blanket, as they breathed in the misty salty air watching the waves as they crashed against the shoreline. They spoke to each other quietly, "I love you very much." We then realized we had not been dreaming and we were all together again, on a beach somewhere safe were no one was to harm us ever again. We had finally said those words to each other, just now.