TITLE: Just Yet

SPOILERS: The Pilot all the way through to Trust No1
including Fight The Future.

CLASSIFICATION: V / R / MSR

RATING: G

DISCLAIMER: These characters do not belong to any of us. 
Although, I know most of us fanfic writers would do a
better job! **GRIN** I do not make money off of this.
I have no money so please do not even bother to sue me.
It's all for my fun and pleasure anyway.

ARCHIVING: Anywhere....Please! I "live" to have my stories 
archived! **GRIN** Just let me know where so I can check
out your cool site!

KEYWORDS: MSR. Baby William. Mulder POV.

SUMMARY: Mulder's thoughts on his time spent with Scully on the 
X-Files.

AUTHORS NOTES: Please e-mail me at xfmns4ever@aol.com and tell
me what you think!

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In the darkness, lit only by the small firelight, he sat on 
a blanket and breathed in the misty salty air watching the 
waves as they crashed against the shoreline. As he sat and 
pondered on times in his life, wondering why it had come to 
him being alone instead of being with Scully and William, 
he noticed an occasional orb of light flickering off in the 
distance, as if beckoning him to safety. What he wouldn't 
give to have Scully and William here with him now, both 
wrapped tightly in his embrace, he thought, but it wasn't 
safe for them to be together yet and he wondered if it ever 
would be.

That day he left her apartment, he thought his world had 
ended and in a way it had. Their work on the X-Files 
had come with grave consequences. Consequences, which at 
the that time, had not been considered for their future.

During the beginning of his partnership with her, his only 
goal had been to find his sister. He had told her nothing 
else mattered to him. She had changed that image and 
persona of him. He still was in awe everyday when she 
told him she loved him believing that it was never possible 
to be so loved by another human being. Only in e-mails 
could they do this. It was still not safe for them to be 
together with their son, just yet.

They had both been abducted, only to be returned, and for 
what purpose he didn't know. However, he did know that 
during her abduction, he had been wrought with grief. He 
even partially blamed himself as a guilty party for her 
abduction. Scully's sister had made him see that none of 
the circumstances surrounding her sister was his fault and 
that by losing himself in his work and not facing the 
reality of Scully being gone was only going to make it 
worse for him. He was overjoyed the day Scully regained 
consciousness. He had given her back the symbol of her 
faith, the cross which she had worn every day since they 
had started working together. That cross had given him 
more strength than he could ever tell her about or would 
ever dare to, just yet.

He remembered back to a specific case where he had almost 
killed her. Pusher had done a number on him, of that he 
was certain. Everyone thought they had Pusher at that golf 
course, but he had gotten away with murder again. A few 
days later Scully had been frightened when he had told her 
that they needed to give Pusher what he wanted. She didn't 
understand that he didn't want her to get hurt in the 
process, but it had almost happened anyway. She had begged 
him to walk away from it, but Pusher was too mentally 
strong for him. He had urged her to run, thinking she 
would never forgive him if he had actually pulled the 
trigger. When she pulled the alarm, she had saved them 
both from an uncertain future without one another. He had 
been grateful to her that day and had even said he loved 
her under his breath, but she didn't know and he couldn't 
tell her, just yet.

It was about a year later when she found out she had 
cancer. He had been devastated. She was stronger than 
anyone he had ever known. He searched for his own answers, 
while she stayed in the hospital to receive treatment. He 
had found something that had been taken from her, her ova. 
He was heartbroken when the doctors had told him that she 
would ever have little chance of conceiving a child. Her 
speech to him about not finishing everything in her life 
and proving something to herself and her family had been 
another great inspirational talk in his view. He knew as 
he hugged her in his embrace that he loved and greatly 
admired this woman, but yet could not bring himself to tell 
her for fear of ruining their deep-rooted friendship, just 
yet.

He recalled the conference they were going to attend before 
the case had "intervened" in those Florida woods where she 
told him he might get lucky if it ever rained sleeping 
bags. He had been speechless. His innuendo had always 
just been for play. He didn't think she took him 
seriously. Their communication skills and teamwork had 
shined through during that case. She had kept him safe 
while he slept, even singing to him, now one of his 
favorite songs, Jeremiah Was A Bullfrog, in order to let 
him know she was okay and they were going to be fine. She 
had spoke of her cancer and he had listened letting her 
talk about it hoping he could be there for her as she had 
been for him for so many years during their partnership. 
He couldn't tell her how much he had appreciated and loved 
her for the sacrifices she had made to her career, her 
family and to her own happiness to help him find his sister 
and the truth, just yet.

In an attempt to bring to light the truth, for which they 
both searched tirelessly for, the X-Files had suffered and 
was closed down. They had lost everything; their office, 
their files and almost each other. They had been 
reassigned to do other work at the FBI. He hadn't been 
happy, but there was nothing he could do. He had tried so 
hard to place the burnt pieces of files together to save 
what was left of his life. She had been down in the office 
with him after it had burned, clinging to him, as if 
clinging to a life preserver. He received another lead 
about the Dallas bombing. Against her better judgment, she 
went with him as she always did. They had found those 
bees, only to wonder what and who could be doing something 
with them. She had gotten into trouble for helping him and 
had been reassigned to Salt Lake City, Utah. His world was 
about to end again and so he poured out his heart to her. 
She had been the only thing that had saved him time and 
again he had told her. They had almost kissed, if it 
hadn't been for that darn bee. When he found her gone 
again, he searched to Antarctica to bring her home. Yet, 
in a strange twist of faint, she had saved him once more. 
Could he ever tell her home much he really cared for her? 
He didn't think so and he had told her to leave him to 
become a doctor like she originally wanted to do, but in 
the end she had stayed because she believed in what they 
were doing and she believed in him. No, he knew he 
couldn't tell her how much he cared for her, just yet. 

He recalled that once the X-Files Division was re-
established, she spent every waking minute with him down in 
that office. He remember the Saturday he had spent at the 
office looking at old 1947 newspapers from Roswell. She 
had come carrying in a load of old newspaper books for him. 
She had brought along her Non-Fat Tofruity Rice Dreamcicle. 
Being in a playful mood, he exchanged banter with her even 
taking the time to grab her hand and ice cream because she 
wasn't sharing it with him. He had told her about how 
baseball could take you back in time. It had been a good 
day and then he had that picture of Arthur Dales staring 
him in the face. He had left her standing there, off in 
search of another possible lead. Later, after his long 
chat with Arthur Dales about what it was to be human, he 
had called her hoping she would come to the ball park and 
she didn't disappoint him. He wanted to teach her how to 
hit a baseball and to spend time with her. He gave her a 
response to her sarcasm about hitting baseballs that should 
have left her in a puddle of goo. However, he couldn't 
believe it when she allowed him to stand right behind her 
and wrap his arms around her to help her hold the bat. He 
had touched her hips and they had wriggled into their 
batting stance together. Even then he could feel the 
desire down low in the pit of his stomach and wondered if 
she felt it too. He doubted she probably did, and however 
much he wanted to, he couldn't tell her how he really felt 
about her, just yet.

He remembered the time she had come into the office that 
day saying someone from Accounting wanted to talk to us 
both individually. The X-Files Division was possibly being 
forced out by budget cuts. In the midst of all of the 
accounting reviews and budgetary concerns, we had received 
a telephone call from Billy Miles, the known alien abductee 
from Bellefleur, Oregon. He was concerned that someone 
else in his family had been abducted several times. Of 
course, Scully was the first to jump on the lead. She was 
ready to go waste money, as she put it. I chuckle out loud 
just thinking about that statement. Of course, the lead 
didn't pan out and we came back to the office fearing the 
end was near. We had what I thought might be a break when 
A.D. Skinner informed me of a person, who could possibly 
have information about the missing deputy Ray Hoese. Much 
to my surprise, Alex Krycek and Marita Covarrubias stepped 
into the basement office with answers I wasn't sure I 
wanted to believe. After our meeting with the Lone Gunmen, 
A.D. Skinner, Krycek and Marita, Scully was ready to head 
back to Bellefleur, but I couldn't take the chance that she 
would be abducted again. I made her stay behind, only for 
her to tell me that she wouldn't send me alone. Little did 
I know, I was heading into danger myself. The last thing I 
remember was seeing the face of the Alien Bounter Hunter 
and being warped up into the space ship and taken away from 
Scully afraid I would never see her again. I began 
wondering if she was trying to find me. However, if she 
was attempting to locate me, I couldn't tell her how much I 
loved her, just yet.

She had come to my funeral that cold winter day in North 
Carolina. I tried to tell her I wasn't dead, but she 
couldn't hear me. I watched her being comforted by A.D. 
Skinner, his arm gently around her as her body wracked with 
sobs over my casket being lowered in the cold hard earthen 
ground below me. Months passed and I awoke from what I 
thought was a dream state. I could see Scully gently 
holding my hand while I laid on a hospital bed. She was 
crying when she looked at me and I love how she said my 
name...as if it were a question. I joked with her asking if 
I knew her and when the tears fell, I smiled a little to 
let her know I was joking just to break the mood. She 
asked me if I knew what I had been through and I told her 
"Only what I see in your face." It was then at this time 
again that I told her I loved her under my breath. It was 
heaven when she laid her head on my chest. It was as if we 
were the only two people in the world who existed. I 
privately thanked the person in my head, who had dared open 
the door only to leave as they see us in this warm intimate 
way. I don't think she noticed because she is too happy 
that I am alive, and yet I can't tell her in any right 
words how much I love her, just yet.

After William came along, new threats emerged for them. 
He knew he had to leave in order to protect those he loved 
and himself. He wanted to die inside the day he had to 
leave them. He had cleaned out his apartment and packed his 
bags. He was in Scully's shower when he heard William cry, 
only to be hushed by her singing him a lullaby. He loved 
to hear her sing to their son. He was going to miss that 
more than she could ever know, but it was the only way to 
keep them safe. Safe, in hopes of one day being able to 
return to them and to the life they once had together. I 
still had not been able to tell her how much I loved her 
and wondered if there would ever be a day that I could; 
however, I knew I couldn't, just yet.

In the darkness, lit only by the small firelight, he sat on 
a blanket and breathed in the misty salty air watching the 
waves as they crashed against the shoreline. As he sat and 
pondered on times in his life, he noticed the occasional 
orb of light flickering off and on getting closer to him. 
He looked up only to be greeted by Scully and William. 
Whispering, she spoke to me. "Mulder, we are here now. 
You can rest. We are together again and we love you." "I 
love you both very much," I replied in return. I then 
realized I had not been dreaming and was still lying in 
that casket in North Carolina with Scully and William now 
beside me in the cold hard earthen ground. I had finally 
been able to tell them both how much I loved them, only was 
it too late? I didn't think it too late because she had 
said she loved me too. I wondered many times if she needed 
to tell me how much she loved me before now or, like me, 
had she always put off saying "I can't tell him how much I 
love him, just yet."