TITLE; More Than This AUTHOR; Charlotte Unsworth EMAIL; CMUnsworth@aol.com RATING; PG SPOILERS; Post ep, Requiem. SUMMARY; "There's so much more you have to do with your life. So much more than this" - Mulder, Requiem. http://www.angelfire.com/scifi/charlottesxfarchive DISCLAIMER; Characters, not mine. ----- So much more to do with your life. The words run round in my head like a mantra. You fell asleep with your arms around me, your breath is warm and even on the back of my neck. I can't stop thinking about what you said. So much more than this. How can there be? More than uncovering the conspiracy, exposing the men who would have sacrificed billions of lives to save their own. More than the people we have helped to understand an event in their lives that nobody else could explain. More than being happy, truly happy for the first time in years. Loving you and being loved so completely, and unquestioningly, in return. No auditor who spends all his days behind a desk could understand what we do, so why do you take his words so seriously? I still miss my sister, every day, but I no longer blame myself. I never blamed you. What happened to Emily wasn't your fault either, and I am coming to accept that it was not mine. I hold a secret now, something I haven't told even you. The nausea, the dizziness - I realised I missed my period. They haven't been regular since my abduction, but it makes sense. Or maybe I just want it to. I would like to say I don't allow myself to hope, but it would be a lie. The fact is that it fills my head so I can't think of anything else. I catch myself, tell myself it is probably nothing...but even knowing the heartbreak that doubtless lies ahead, I can't help it. I won't tell you though, not yet. I couldn't bear to see the hope in your eyes and then extinguish it. I couldn't do it to you. This place...I hate it, Mulder. There's something here that unsettles me, something I haven't felt before. Memories of our first case are around every corner, the distrust you professed to feel, the way I practically flung myself into your arms. Maybe that's why you feel so distanced from me here. Being back here reminds you of everything you have lost, that you think I have lost. Why can't you see what you have gained? ----- All feedback welcome. Whether you loved it or hated it I'd like to know.