TITLE: Roses AUTHOR: Lara Means FEEDBACK: Hey, writers live for this stuff. Constructive criticism is welcomed, on the newsgroup or at darknesslight@aol.com CLASSIFICATION: V, R RATING: PG (for mild language) ARCHIVE: Gossamer, YES; Spookys site, YES; Ephemeral, YES; anywhere else, YES, but if possible please let me know SPOILERS: Millennium SUMMARY: The kiss that might have been. DISCLAIMER: "The X-Files" is copyright Twentieth Century Fox Television and Ten Thirteen Productions. The show, its premise and characters were created by Chris Carter and are used here without permission. No copyright infringement is intended, no profit will be realized. (I’ve also borrowed the name of a character from Carter’s "Millennium" as a pseudonym. Same disclaimer applies.) AUTHOR’S NOTE: After that pitiful excuse for a kiss in Millennium, I became more certain than ever that Fox Mulder is desperately in love with Dana Scully -- but Dana Scully isn’t necessarily in love with Fox Mulder. (Chris Carter’s Dana Scully, anyway.) And I figured if I’m having doubts, surely the King of Insecurity would be too. ------------------------------------------ ROSES by Lara Means Dick Clark counted down the seconds as the big lighted crystal ball fell on Times Square. Right arm bandaged and in a sling, Mulder stood next to Scully in front of the TV in the hospital waiting room, staring up at the screen and wondering how many hospitals they'd end up spending time in next year. On TV, Dick and the Times Square crowd chanted. "Five, four, three, two, one... Happy New Year 2000!" Mulder smiled a little and stole a glance at Scully. She was smiling a little too. On the screen, couples were kissing. What the hell, Mulder thought, and leaned toward her. She sensed him at just the right moment and turned to him, tilting her face up and to her right. Her eyes drifted shut as their lips met. This, their first kiss, was gentle and tender. No darting tongues, no crushing mouths. Just a sweet kiss. For about ten seconds. Ten of the most delicious seconds Fox Mulder had ever experienced. They stood together after, just looking into each other's eyes. Finally, he spoke. "The world didn't end." "No, it didn't." She looked away, turned away from him. "Happy New Year, Scully." "Happy New Year, Mulder." He snaked his good arm around her shoulder and they left this last hospital of 1999. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ They reached their cars in the so-far nearly deserted parking lot and Scully glanced at him. "Mulder, are you okay to drive?" He smiled, shrugged, winced at the pain that particular gesture caused. "Takes more than an encounter with the Undead to get me down." "How 'bout an encounter with Demerol? Come on, Mulder, I'll take you home." "They didn't give me Demerol, just some ibuprofen. As much as I love it when you're assertive, Scully, I'm fine. Thanks for the offer, though." They lingered a moment, neither one wanting to make the first move to leave. She smiled a little, nodded. "Okay then." They opened their car doors at the same time, then she turned back to him. "'Night, Mulder." "Goodnight, Scully." They got into their cars and pulled away. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Idiot. What a fucking moron. How could I be so damn stupid? Kissing her was good. The right thing to do. The logical thing to do. It's New Year's Eve, for god's sake, everybody does it. So why do I feel like such an idiot? Because, moron, she didn't kiss back. I'm such a fool to think she might care about me. That she could love me like I love her. I could see it in her eyes. She had that patient, indulgent smile on her face. She was humoring me. Poor Mulder, he's been through so much lately -- I'll let him kiss me, it'll make him feel better about himself. I'm surprised she didn't roll her eyes, like that one time when I told her I loved her. Idiot. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Idiot. Moron. Stupid jerk. It felt so good when he kissed me. I've wanted him to kiss me for so long. I honestly never thought he'd do it in a hospital waiting room -- although New Year's Eve makes sense. He always seems to need an excuse. Like that time I told him I was going to resign, and he said I made him a whole person. Or after he nearly drowned in the Bermuda Triangle, and he told me he loved me. Or when I told him about Diana, and he said I was his touchstone. I thought he was going to kiss me then but it didn't feel right, so I deflected it, ran my thumbs over his lips... that beautiful, full lower lip... But now, when he finally has the perfect excuse, and there are no bees hiding in my collar or drugs in his system or dead friends to mourn, what do I do? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. I didn't kiss him back, not like I should have. I didn't put my arms around him and pull him to me. Hell, I didn't even put my arm around his waist as we left the damn hospital. The worst part was after. When he looked into my eyes after. He was so open and vulnerable -- I've never seen Mulder like that. Honest to God, years fell away from his face just then and he looked almost innocent. Like he did when I first met him seven years ago. Like he did when I fell in love with him. But my eyes aren't that expressive. They couldn't tell him how I feel. So I just smiled and looked away. Like a stupid jerk. The world didn't end. We could take this thing forward another step or two if we wanted. We've both been through so much, we deserve any measure of happiness we can get. So why didn't I kiss him back like I should have? Because I'm an idiot. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Dick Clark was still hosting New Year's Rockin' Eve when Mulder got home, and he settled there after channel-surfing through the entire cable line-up. It's work, he told himself. Dick Clark is an X-file if ever there was one. Mulder popped another ibuprofen and tried to get comfortable on his left side. He'd almost drifted off to sleep when the phone rang. "Yeah." "Mulder, it's me." "Scully? You okay?" "I'm fine, I just wanted to make sure you got home safely." "Had the streets to myself. Guess the crazies won't be out for another few hours. You?" "Passed at least half a dozen DCPD cars prowling for drunk drivers, but otherwise, about the same." She didn't say anything for a moment. Mulder wasn't sure what to make of the silence, but he didn't break it. "So. You have big plans for New Year's Day, Mulder?" "Just the basics -- the Rose Parade, then football, football, football." "Never figured you for a Rose Parade kind of guy. Although some of those floats, they're marvels of engineering." "I just like to look at the pretty flowers." Again, she didn't say anything for a bit. When she did, her voice was soft and kind of shy. "Can I come over and watch with you? I'll bring breakfast." What? "Yeah... sure, Scully. I'd love that." "Great. What time?" "Parade starts at nine." "See you then." She hung up, and he just sat there a moment staring at the receiver. Scully wanted to watch the Rose Parade with him. Huh? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Scully knocked on his door at 8:55. Mulder opened it and she scooted past him, headed for the kitchen. He followed her, hovering as she set her bags and coffee cups down. "Morning, Sunshine. What’d you bring?" She gave him a big smile and handed him his coffee. "Cinnamon raisin bagels, real cream cheese and fresh, warm blueberry muffins. You have butter?" He took the butter from the fridge and some plates from the cabinet. Together they got breakfast ready and took it into the living room. The Rose Parade was about to start. They settled on the couch, with Scully on his good side and the announcers on TV telling them it was six o'clock in Pasadena and already fifty-five degrees and sunny. The first float floated by as they sipped their coffee and munched their breakfast, the silence between them relatively comfortable. "How's your arm?" "Fine. Not much pain. I'd lose the sling if I didn't think my personal physician would kick my ass." "Damn right she would." She smiled gently, and he returned it. He reached up and pushed her hair away from her neck, where the... thing had attacked her. "How's this, does it hurt?" She shook her head a little. "Itches some. But otherwise okay." He tucked her hair behind her ear, let his fingers linger there a minute. He looked into her eyes, but his smile faded and he turned away, reaching for his coffee. They watched the Lions Club float, and the Met Life float, and the IBM float... "Mulder?" He turned back to her, and she took his coffee cup from his hand, setting it next to hers on the coffee table. "There's something... something I didn't do last night." "What?" She looked deep into his eyes, took his face in her hands, pulled him close... and kissed him. Really kissed him. For about twenty seconds this time. These twenty seconds were a bit more charged than last night's ten. This was no chaste, gentle kiss. Still no darting tongues or crushing mouths, but this... this was different. This was like all those times she'd kissed his forehead when he wanted her lips someplace else. The times he'd kissed her cheek when he'd rather have kissed her mouth. There was some real feeling in this kiss. When she released him, she caressed his lips with her thumbs. He shivered a little at her touch, took her hands in his. She smiled shyly. "The world didn't end." He smiled just as shyly. "No, it didn't." Neither of them looked away this time. "Happy New Year, Mulder." "Happy New Year, Scully." Once again he snaked his good arm around her shoulder, and they settled back on the couch as the AT&T float came along. This time, though, she slipped her arms around his waist and snuggled up close to him. By the time the Rotary Club float rolled by, they'd already kissed again. And the world didn't end. END -------------------------------------------- "No matter how paranoid you are, you're not paranoid enough." -- Susanne Modesky, "Unusual Suspects," written by Vince Gilligan