"Without You" (1/1)
By Laura Baylis
June 24 98

SUMMARY: A follow-up story on the X-Files movie.
Scully thinks about her relationship with Mulder, and
finally tells him how she really feels about him.

CATEGORY: SAR

SPOILERS: The X-Files movie

RATING: PG.

KEYWORDS: MSR

DISTRIBUTION STATEMENT: Anywhere and
everywhere. Just keep my name attached and tell
me where it's going, if you can :-)

DISCLAIMER: I know this is a big shocker, but these
characters don't belong to me. They do however belong
to Chris Carter, FOX, and 1013 productions.

AUTHORS NOTES: Well it's been a few days since
I saw the X-Files movie, so I thought I should write
a fanfic on it, just like everyone else. I just hope that
it isn't too much like everyone else's ;-) Feedback makes
me really happy, so why not drop me a line? =) Email
me at allanbaylis@spint.ca or quonochontaug@hotmail.com

DEDICATION: I just want to thank all those people who
have sent me feedback in the past, praising my stories
and encouraging me to write more. You make writing a
more enjoyable experience for me. Thank you. I dedicate
this to the girls a DDPOL too, especially Alyssa; a great
writer and a great friend.

= = = =
"In my mind I've seen it all,
Sometime soon for all to see,
The walls are slowly breaking down,
and someday we'll be free"
--Sarah McLachlan, "Trust"
= = = =

"Without You"

I don't think I could sum up what Mulder and I have
if my life depended on it.

But if Mulder's did, maybe I could.

What we have goes beyond explanation, and even
comprehension.  No one else understands it I don't
think, especially those who eyeball us from the water
cooler every time we walk by. It's something that I
don't quite understand myself, nor have I ever
experienced before. But now that I have it in my life,
I don't think I could live without it.

When I remember back to just a few days ago, my
memories seem to blur into a heavy fog right before
my eyes. One minute Mulder was about to kiss me,
and the next I'm collapsing into his arms. I wish that
I could just erase everything that happened in-between.

But then, Mulder wouldn't have found his faith again.
Although I was too exhausted to even look up at what
it was he told me "I had to see", I saw the look in his
eyes. The spark. The fire. Mulder believed again. I knew
then that everything was going to be okay. And when
he finally closed his eyes and let his face fall into the
snow, I breathed a sigh of relief because I knew that his
heart was still in it.

At that moment, it wouldn't have been all that bad if we
had died right then and there. It would be fitting that
after everything we've been through together, we would
die together. I wouldn't have it any other way. He told
me that he didn't want to go on without me, and I sure
as hell didn't want to go on without him.

I cried then. As I held his body close to mine, I let
my hot tears flow down my ice cold face simply because
there was nothing else to do.  Mulder had saved me yet
again, like he had so many times in the past. I knew then
that he would do whatever it takes to save me, and if he
couldn't, he would die trying. His mission was to get to
me, and that's the only thing that he thought about. Not
his own safety or life, just mine. And whenever I think
about it, it still takes my breath away.

I've never felt as close to another human being than I
did to Mulder at that moment.

And now, whenever I see him, a small smile creeps it's
way across my lips. I know he notices it, because he
returns the smile. It's such a small gesture, but it says so
much more than words ever could. Or, for now at least.

He told me that I owe him nothing, but I owe him the
world. I only wish that I could give it to him.

We haven't discussed the whole incident in Antarctica
for days now, and I'm not sure if we ever will. We move
on to our next case, just the same way we have so many
times in the past. Life goes on.

My thoughts are interrupted by the door opening, and
my partner walking into our office. He takes a sip of
his coffee, as he hands another cup to me.

I smile as the hot liquid runs down my throat, and then
place the mug down on my new desk. since the X-Files
are officially re-opened, Mulder and I were put into a
new office. We're out of the basement, but we aren't
exactly in the nicest room of the FBI headquarters.
They have us in a small office in the back of the building.
A few floors up from our old office. It's only a small step,
but a step non the less.

I'm just grateful that we're still together.

I watch Mulder as he walks over to the window on the
wall across from me. He stares out into the street as he
carefully sips his coffee.

"Wow. An office with a window, Scully. We're living
the high life now," He says flatly.

"Sure are," I say with a smile.

He looks at me for a brief moment and then turns his
attention back to the window. He seems distant, and after
all that's happened, it worries me.

"What's up, Mulder?"

He doesn't answer, but shakes his head slowly.

I lower my eyes.

"It's just - that I....um...."

"It's just that you...what....?"

No answer.

"Mulder?"

"Yeah...."

Suddenly we are both silent. He looks at me for the first
time, and our eyes catch. He slowly walks up to me and
stands in front of my desk. He stares down at the small
name plate on my desk that reads 'Special Agent Dana
Scully', and drags his pointer finger slowly across the
top.

I'm no mind reader, but I have a pretty good idea what
he's thinking about.

I stand up from the desk, reach out, and place my hand
over his.

"I don't know if I've said this yet, but thank you. Thank
you for my life."

He smiles, but doesn't look up. "You don't have to thank
me."

I walk around my desk so that I'm standing beside him,
and place my hand on the side of his face. He looks back
at me, and I move my head closer to his, and kiss him
softly on the cheek. His face is smooth, and he smells
of after shave. He closes his eyes and I admire the way
his long eye lashes brush across the bottom of his eyes.
Finally I whisper, "Yes, I do."

After a few moments of silence, he clears his throat.

"I was...-" He says quietly. "I was just so - scared that
I wouldn't be able to get to you in time. That it would
be too late and you would be taken from me again. If
that would have happened, I think....I would just have
fallen asleep in the snow and never woken up."

My eyes suddenly fill with tears, and I blink them back
fiercely.

"It was my fault that your life was endangered like that
in the first place. Please, don't thank me."

He tears his eyes away from mine, and takes a step
back. His arms dangle by his sides and his jaw is
clenched tightly together. He's angry with himself,
and it drives me crazy. I want to scream at him, and
wrap my arms around him at the same time.

"Listen to me, Mulder..." I begin as I take another
step towards him, "What you did for me - when you
came to Antarctica as soon as you found out where I
was, when you risked your life to save me...it was -
it was insane! You knew it was a  suicide mission and
you went on it for me anyway." I found myself speaking
faster and more loudly as I went on. "What you did for
me went way beyond saving your partners ass. What
you did was incredible," I paused for a few moments
before I went on. "So I am grateful to you and I want
you to know that I love you more than you could
possibly know."

The words seemed to have slipped out before I even
realized I said them, but I meant them with my whole
life, and sure didn't regret saying them. I think that he
already knew, but I want to make sure. I need to make
sure.

I watch for Mulder's reaction.

His face is expressionless at first, but I see a small
twitch in the corner of his mouth which looks like the
beginning of a smile. His lip slowly curves upward and
the smile spreads across his face. He turns his head away
from me shyly, and I can see water collecting in the
corner of his eyes.

I smile back at him and even let him see some teeth
this time.

"Scully..." He says in barely a whisper as he reaches
out, hooks his arm around my back and pulls me to
him in one swift motion. He puts his hand in the back
of my hair, and kisses the top of my head.

"I love you too, Dana. I always have." He pauses
before adding "You mean everything to me."

I let a tear fall.

After a few moments, I take a step back to look at him,
and mouth the words "I know."

He smiles back at me; his dark eyes sparkling.

He takes his hand and places it on the side of my face,
and then brushes his thumb across my damp cheek. He
slowly begins to lean towards me, and I start to close
my eyes. I watch as his lips came closer to mine, and
then finally, this time, they touch.

The kiss is soft, and gentle. Not awkward at all. And slow.
After five years we weren't about to rush it, and the only
reason we finally break is because we remember where
we are.

We both look at the closed door at the same time, and let
out a small laugh.

"This could get us in a bit of trouble," Mulder says
suppressing a chuckle.

I smile back at him. For a few brief moments we're
lost in each other's eyes.

"Oh. I almost forgot something," He says. His voice
is shaky, and I watch as his hand fumbles with
something in his pocket.

My eyes light up when his hand opens to reveal my
gold cross.

"Oh, Mulder..." I say softly as I take the necklace
out of his palm. "I thought for sure that I had lost
it for good."

"Not this time, but if you lose that again, that's it.
I'm keepin' it," He teased.

My hands are shaking slightly as I try to put it on,
but Mulder reaches for my hands and stops me.

"Here," He says as he moves behind me. I hold my
hair up as he fastens the chain around my neck. His
warm breath on the back of my neck sends a shiver
up my spine.

"Thanks," I say as I adjust the necklace over my
blouse.

He takes a step back, and I turn to face him once again.

"Perfect." He says with a smile.

I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. But for the first
time in a long time, I feel happy. Complete.

Whole.

You make me a whole person, too, Mulder.

"Whadaya say we call it a day?" He says as he grabs
his trench coat from the back of his chair.

"Mm sounds like a plan."

I grab my coat and purse and follow him to the door.
He opens it, and places his hand on the small of my back,
guiding me, as I walk out into the hall. He steps out
behind me, and closes the door.

We start walking down the hall, side by side, arm brushing
against arm, when I turn back to look at our office.

Mulder turns around as well, and lays his hand gently
on my shoulder. I look up at him, and then look back
at the door.

I smile as I read the new gold name plate for about the
hundredth time that day.

'Special Agent Dana Scully and Special Agent Fox
Mulder'

Perfect.

~The End~

All comments and constructive criticism is appreciated
and begged for. Email me at allanbaylis@sprint.ca or
quonochontaug@hotmail.com

Thanx for reading! =)